The Continuum of Violence

Over and over again, in the last few weeks, months, years and decades we continue to be overwhelmed by the news of horrible acts of violence. Most recently, in a small, quiet town in rural Texas, where “you would least expect it,” it happened again: a mass murder in an unassuming country Baptist church. More than fifty people were killed in cold blood, including children and the elderly. An unfathomable act for most of us trying to process such terror, even as it becomes more and more a part of the norm.

While many are asking why and debating the gun control issue, therapists realize that these news stories that are becoming much too frequent are really only the tip of the iceberg. We see in our practices the wider spectrum of violent acts, including spousal and child abuse, which are physical, sexual and verbal in nature. We see victims of trauma routinely who present complex, long term symptoms of anguish and pain, sometimes leading into generations of further pain and maladaptive behavior.

It seems as though there may be no end to this stream of inhumane behavior. This may indeed be true, that violence prevails no matter what interventions are attempted. But I believe that as a therapist I have a duty to try to intervene, even if only on a case-by-case basis.

With over four decades in this field, I can’t help but notice the continuum of aggressive and violent behavior. On one end it seems small, almost trivial, maybe “teasing,” or passive-aggressive in nature. Like bugging someone about wearing their favorite baseball cap or the way they wear their hair or calling them names just to be funny. This can grow into more full-fledged bullying, like playground bullying, cyberbullying or workplace bullying. There is a distinction between bullying and abuse, the latter crosses the line into physical harm and violence, but I would contend that this wider range of behaviors can be considered to be those of disrespect and ultimately harmful to some degree or another.

My point here is not to exaggerate the lesser of these acts into major problems on their own, but to recognize the larger picture so that we can more completely study and begin to understand this phenomenon of violence in our culture, our neighborhoods, our families and ourselves. I believe that the lack of respect, or disrespect, can behave like a cancer and grow to become a devastating story, sometimes told on the news. Therapists have an opportunity to intersect and intervene in these stories in a way that few do. I believe it’s our responsibility as professionals and human beings to do so with as much respectful clarity as possible.

Over the next weeks and months I will be returning to this topic of understanding and intervening violence and welcome your input into this discussion.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Tackling the Bully Epidemic

“A bully is someone who is regularly overbearing. He or she looks to cause humiliation or discomfort to another, particularly if that other is weaker or smaller. This can be physical bullying, emotional bullying or mental discomfort and humiliation.”
 (Bullying Statistics)

Bullying most often is about imbalance of power, has intention to harm and is repetitive. It is usually culturally based. That is, it comes out of a culture, be it in the family, schoolyard, neighborhood or workplace. Therefore it is frequently systemic rather than isolated. Addressing the larger systemic issues of bullying is a much more daunting task, but usually more significant toward affecting solution-oriented change.

It is this larger, more systemic, more societal form of bullying that is particularly alarming. Yes, unfortunately, bullying behavior has always existed. But given the culture of our current leadership, it seems as though there is greater permission, if not direct role-modeling for mean, hate-based behavior.

We see this play out in families all the time. Someone in authority, usually a parent or a grandparent with specific biases like racism, sexism or faith-ism will model or teach those biases toward others directly or indirectly to their children and grandchildren. Those families within certain neighborhoods, ethnics groups, religions will tend to create bully culture in a more widespread fashion, giving that behavior and hate-driven mentality greater credence and room to grow.

Most of the research literature focuses on school age children and rightly so, in that they are the most vulnerable. School bullies can do the most irrefutable harm, because the psychological impact to a younger brain is potentially so much greater. This is easily evidenced by the sharp rise in teenage suicide in recent years.

School systems have done a very impressive job across this country of designing and implementing anti-bullying programs. Their diligence is paying off, but I’m afraid that we need much more on all levels of our greater society.

The fact remains that bullying exists at every age and social strata, which is ultimately harmful to us all. The current impact and our projected future from what appears to be a growing trend in our society seems to be one of increased anxiety and mistrust among us. Therefore, what effective interventions can we as mental health professionals employ now to help curb this epidemic?

Those of us in the mental health field can certainly make a marked difference. We can help our educators of children interrupt and reverse this paradigm of hatred and harm by introducing, modeling and actively supporting a lifestyle of respect for self and others to each individual, couple and family we serve, thereby creating a healthier environment for us all.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.