Respect-Focused Therapy with Individuals, Couples and Families

I was fortunate this year to be invited to speak at the American Mental Health Counselor Association’s annual conference in Orlando.

Florida is a beautiful place, and I made my FIRST journey to a Disney park, Epcot! I had such a great time with family and with colleagues at the conference while I was visiting the Sunshine State.

My presentation topic this year was Using Respect-Focused Therapy with Individuals, Couples and Families. I’m offering the resources from my presentation in this post.

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For those who are having family struggles (or want to avoid them) or are curious about Respect-Focused Therapy, I hope you find the presentation materials helpful and insightful.

As always, be well, and as the late, great, Queen of Soul would say, respect each other.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

 

Helping Clients Cope with Love Expectations

Therapists consider the winter holidays as being the roughest time for our clients. This includes Valentine’s Day. The heavy commercial marketing creates expectations, that if not met, can cause self-doubt and even deeper depression for those already troubled by these issues. There is a real possibility that these feelings could manifest for some clients, and therapists should be prepared with strategies to discuss difficult questions about love and companionship that clients might ask, either out loud or to themselves.

• How do I/we define love and how does that compare to personal experience?

This question might not be phrased in this way, but it’s often lurking in the back of clients’ minds. To help the client[s] organize their thoughts and fears around this question, gives them the opportunity to consider the dissonance they experience around this issue and define for themselves what real love looks and feels like to them. For so many with attachment issues and trauma, this kind of discussion is imperative to repair damaged thoughts and beliefs about love.

• How do I/we practice a loving relationship?

What are your clients doing in their love lives, or pursuit of them, that is serving them well or isn’t? This is topic a little tricky because it is not meant to create more angst for them, but to help them to have a clearer understanding about what they’re bringing to the table in loving relationships. As they begin looking more deeply at this, it’s wise to encourage them to acknowledge all the positive traits they offer as well as those they want to approve upon.

• How and where am I/we aware of being loved?

This is such an important question to highlight with clients. So many times, the focus in therapy is on the lack of love in their lives, often for good reason, but the reminder that somewhere in their lives there likely is at least one other individual who has shown them love. Whether it’s a grandparent, teacher, a child, or even a pet, someone has love for them.

• How do I/we show love to ourselves?

This is the most critical question in terms of personal growth and resilience. Therapists need to frame this as being fluid, but something to be built upon—foundational to emotional strength and endurance. Exploring ways to express genuine self-love will provide discussion about the differences between vulnerability and shame.

• How do we navigate in the love world without getting deeply hurt?

Again, this is all about gaining self-appreciation and respect that allows the client to set appropriate boundaries protecting him/herself from legitimate harm. Yet they should also able to more freely give love to others without unrealistic expectations that set up an emotional let-down.

All of these questions have the potential of leading clients toward genuine healing and growth. They also have the potential for deepening wounds and despair if they are handled without intentional care and respect. Therapists should remain diligent in keeping respect (the core component of real love) present and available for our clients to hold on to and grow into.

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Navigating the Holidays Therapeutically

We know that the clinical data and real life clinical experience clearly support the unfortunate truth that these seasonal holidays bring many clients heightened anxiety, depression, and thoughts and actions of harm to self and others. This phenomenon has been occurring regularly for decades, if not centuries. While we know that some is related to the nature of the actual season itself (i.e. the shorter days of daylight), it is thought that the holidays themselves also contribute to this rough period of time experienced by so many. The expectations of joy and giving often becomes burdensome to those who feel limited on material funds or sources of happiness in their personal lives.

Another area that creates tension for many is the interpersonal context of the season, or more specifically, family. The holidays bring with them some Hollywood, picture-perfect ideals of family get-togethers and, as we know all too well, they’re not always that way. Conflicts and feuds, old and new collectively, intensify and heighten the probability and noted occurrences of domestic violence in the midst of attempted festivities. Illness, physical or mental, or losses, such as divorce or death of a loved one, in the family can produce clouds of sadness and despair. Many do not have any family at all. So trying to create joy around these real life situations are increasingly challenging, if not seemingly impossible, depending on the freshness and intensity of the circumstances.

So therapists have a greater responsibility during these times. It rests upon us to have keener awareness to the possibilities of more difficult and, perhaps, more dangerous times for our clients. We need to more diligently assess for suicidal and/or violent ideations and be prepared to intervene swiftly and effectively as needed. Obviously, this season can and does also cause more stress for us as healers. Therefore our wellbeing is even more vitally significant than usual. As we teach our clients how to be more kind and gentle to themselves and those they love, so should we carefully listen to our own words of wisdom. May this season bring all of us peace and calm reassurance that we are valued.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.