Black Keys on the Piano

Someone recently sent me one of those blast emails with this title. Turns out that it was about some concert at Carnegie Hall, but my mind went directly to the most recent derogatory statements made against primarily Black populated countries such as Haiti and African nations. “Black Keys on the Piano” is the perfect illustration of how integral and necessary these countries are to our world, along with the people living in them or those who are from them. Without their history, we’d have deep depletion of culture and humanity in a far more inferior world.

But the suggestion that this segment of our human population is not worthy of our consideration is severely troubling on its own. Yet this very pretext plays out every day.

Within the realm of therapy, it is noted that the African-American population is vastly underserved by mental health services in this country. Trust is one of the largest barriers to such services, along with the lack of financial resources.

Trust is critical to any therapeutic positive outcome, yet it seems to be undermined so frequently in a myriad of ways. Very often, it is missed without intention or forethought. The purposeful attention to the existence of racism in our society and the permeated value that it has in each of our lives is the only way we have to counter its damaging effects in our current interactions at work or in our personal lives.

This paradoxically means that we need to be able to trust others as well. Our own vulnerability is required to genuinely trust, and our ability to take the step toward trusting those in our midst is required in order to be trusted.

I believe that we owe it to ourselves, our clients, and to our greater global community to rigorously investigate any and all strands of bias or other blockades we hold that impair trust in either direction. To do this takes courage, strength, and untarnished honesty within ourselves to be able to delve deeper and present our most authentic selves in the most trustworthy manner possible.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

In Faith and Science

On New Year’s Eve, I was sitting in church and heard Rev. Cheryl Broome speak about neurotheology, a term I have not heard before. I am, of course, familiar with neuroscience and neuropsychology. Research tells us much about the brain, and particularly about the ways the two hemispheres of the brain work in tandem with each other and how they differ. Rev. Broome spoke more about the differences, specifically about how the right brain operates in connection with others more freely and creatively, while the left brain works more compartmentally and less in connection with others, often getting stuck in boxes of fear. Her connection to theology was about being more right brain aware, using its ability to connect and relate positively to others and to the Divine.

That same afternoon, I was reading Phil Cain’s blog and was struck by this sentence:

“A scientific outlook, and the healthy skepticism that goes with it, are no reason to ignore the need to form beliefs we can apply. Such beliefs provide us with a rugged, reliable and reassuring guide, like a pocket compass.”

I have long believed that there is room and compatibility for both faith and science. In psychotherapy especially the merging of the two seem to have significant capacity for healing. As a therapist, I need to be consistently mindful of where I am both spiritually and professionally, keeping abreast of the latest scientific literature in psychology and yet growing into my spiritual self. At the same time, I need respectfully pay keen attention to where my client is on the continuums of each measure.

It is my sincerest belief that respect, at its most rudimentary core, is the right brain connection for which we all strive and in the process of learning to connect more  fully in that way, we become stronger, healthier and more fully human.

Wishing everyone the best new year ever for growth and connection!

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Do No Harm

Do no harm is a common phrase in the mental health profession. It is understood to mean, at the very least, don’t hurt anyone. The Hippocratic Oath in medicine essentially states the same. Of course, it is also expected that we in both professions will do much more—that we will help people in significant ways.

This is the most basic, simple statement of ethics and to most of us, seems like a no-brainer. We are in a helping profession. To do contrary would be the antithesis of our entire purpose.

And yet, we are human beings—fallible and far from perfect. We make mistakes. Sometimes we do so unwittingly, without malice or forethought. We make ethical miscalculations. Or do we know and forget? i.e. leaving confidential information out on our desks or entering into a dual relationship by participating in a lengthy conversation with a client in a grocery store? These are the mistakes or ethical dilemmas we encounter, especially as young professionals. Hopefully we catch these faux pas before it’s too late.

That’s what HIPPA and our Code of Ethics are there for, to keep us aware of and accountable to not engaging in such behaviors. Rules are good; they tend to keep us out of trouble. But I believe there is more for us to consider.

For me, it is even more important, not in place of, but in addition to such rules, to be ever cognizant of the quality and tenor of the relationships we have with our clients. What do really offer to them? My hope is that we offer our most genuine concern, compassion and respect.

In our current culture, it seems as though the concepts of compassion and respect have greatly diminished. As we learn more and more about the scope of sexual harassment and abuse, racial violence and mass killings, not to mention increased marginalization of the poor and disabled, it becomes even more pressing that these basic values of humanity are restored and maintained. As therapists, our opportunities to contribute to this end are particularly abundant. My greatest hope is that we rise to this calling. To do no harm and bring respect back into our world.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Transpersonal Respect, Multicultural Understanding & Social Justice

Creating ground for transpersonal or universal respect is about taking tangible respect, that for self and those close by, to incrementally larger and larger circles (such as trust in nuclear families expanding to extended families. Taking action to this end can then expand into communities, nations, and ultimately grow to universal respect for all of humankind, such that the abstract “Other”—stranger or enemy—no longer exists in a way that poses a threat. To respect means moving past fear in order to embrace humanity with curiosity and confidence. Recognizing this as ideal vs. the ongoing real life situations of sometimes severely disrespectful patterns among families, communities, political factions, religions, tribes, sects, and nations (which too often lead to oppression, violent conflicts, and war), makes the case for the urgency for respect to grow.

When we consider all of the possible differences and combinations of differences there are in humanity, it can be quite overwhelming. Everything from genetics to personality traits, philosophies, beliefs, cultural mores, family backgrounds, physical and psychological attributes as well as socioeconomic and life experiences, all contribute to the vast array of differences there are between us. And yet, there remains the common thread of being human. How we approach our differences is very much up to us.

RFT postulates that we are each capable of reaching past our differences in order to fully celebrate our common humanness. Though it bears more poignantly for therapists to focus our respect most directly on our clients, it is also our obligation, as I see it, to exercise this broader scope of transpersonal respect, so that we can also demonstrate in our work a sense of multicultural understanding and social justice.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Believing in our common good

In a recent blog, John Sommers-Flanagan, quoted Adler:

“An incalculable amount of tension and useless effort would be spared in this world if we realized that cooperation and love can never be won by force.” (Adler, 1931, p. 132).

It seems to be obvious on first glance that “force” can never win over the spirit of love or cooperation. Yet, the evidence that entangles our world and everyday lives demonstrates how intensely we as human beings try to hold on to the erroneous belief that we can “make” people love and respect us.

This tends to get us in a lot of trouble. We see this all the time, particularly in the lives of our clients. Couples who have to engage in an argument to its last breath in order to be proven right, adolescents who engage in risky behaviors such as using drugs or running away in order to get parental attention, or the parents who demand respect from their children through intimidation, if not abuse.

The core issue here, as I see it, is that we tend to treat respect as an asymmetrical phenomenon. That is, there is often an  assumption that one person deserves or receives more respect than the other. Therefore, the relationship remains static in its inequality (i.e. a male dominates a sexual relationship or a power struggle is ongoing because there is always competition for who should be the winner for the most respect).

When one steps back to consider this dilemma, the obvious conclusion is that the premise of necessary inequality is false. Parents, teachers, employers, law enforcers, and even therapists can easily fall into the trap of assuming that authority means demanding more respect than one in that position must give to those under such authority.

This way of thinking is toxic, particularly as the concept extends beyond clear lines of established authority or power. The common good of all evaporates when others are belittled, marginalized, or discriminated against.

As therapists, I believe that we have a critical responsibility to demonstrate and advocate for genuine and equitable conveyed expressions of respect in the therapy room and beyond. To do so requires our diligent exercise in practicing for the good of all.

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Multicultural Counseling: Working with People of Color

It is well-documented that working with minority populations can be challenging for therapists, especially for white therapists, largely because of trust and specific cultural issues. Because the current, if not ongoing, issues of racism and bigotry have been brought into the spotlight so starkly once again, I find it to be important and timely to look at these challenges more deeply, so that we, as therapists, can more effectively be part of the solution rather than contribute to the problem.

Williams and Levitt (2007)¹ studied the differences between the values of therapists and clients as they relate to multiculturalism. They found substantial evidence supporting the fact that real value differences exist between therapists and clients and, “therapists cannot be value-neutral and that they routinely convey their values with clients.” (p. 256) Therefore, they say, “the potential exists for therapists to consciously or unconsciously influence clients to become more like themselves.” They point out that most therapists are unaware of the potential negative effects of sharing such values with the client, because they do so intending to benefit the client. Within a multicultural context, there is a higher probability of alienation, shame and/or indoctrination for the client in ways that either shut down the treatment or is counter-indicated for real progress to be gained.

According to the research, among the most prominent ethnic minority groups in this country (African-Americans², Latinos³, Native-Americans⁴, Asian-Americans⁵ and Middle Eastern Americans), common themes exist in their overall experiences with therapy. Additionally, there is vast underutilization of mental health services, primarily for the following reasons: a sense of alienation and shame, stereotyping and lack of trust in the therapist (particularly a white therapist).

Because this phenomenon is so embedded in horrific histories as well as ongoing cultural disparities, it often seems insurmountable to rectify. But it is my strong conviction that we in this field can, and must, put every effort into positively intervening in this issue by fully recognizing it and, coming from a place of authenticity, fully focus respectfully on the unique cultural backgrounds and qualities of each human being we encounter.

¹Williams, D., & Levitt, H. M. (2008). Clients’ experiences of difference with therapists: Sustaining faith in psychotherapy. Psychotherapy Research, 18(3), 256-270.

²Thompson, V. L. S., Bazile, A., & Akbar, M. (2004). African Americans’ perceptions of psychotherapy and psychotherapists. Professional psychology: Research and practice, 35(1), 19.

³Comas-Diaz, L. (2006). Latino healing: The integration of ethnic psychology into psychotherapy. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 43(4), 436.

⁴Heinrich, R. K., Corbine, J. L., & Thomas, K. R. (1990). Counseling Native Americans. Journal of Counseling & Development, 69(2), 128-133 and Trujillo, A. (2000). Psychotherapy with Native Americans: A view into the role of religion and spirituality.

⁵Leong, F. T., & Lau, A. S. (2001). Barriers to providing effective mental health services to Asian Americans. Mental health services research, 3(4), 201-214.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

 

 

Love Your Enemies

I rarely mix therapy with politics, but we are at a very dangerous precipice in our international history.

Hate has always existed. This has always mystified me. Why? And what are the predicating factors involved in the creation and sustainability of hatred? What is it about, really, and what can be done to diminish its destructive power?

By now we have all heard about the tragic events in Charlottesville. The ugliest head of hatred rose up again toward individuals simply because they were “other’’ and this resulted in violence and death. This incident has been hashed and rehashed in the media and will soon fade away like so many similar horrific incidents in our recent and not so recent past. The ongoing phenomenon remains. Hate and violence don’t seem to go away.

Carol Anderson, professor of African American Studies at Emory College, posed a very interesting theory in an interview I saw recently. She suggests that perhaps hatred is an addiction. At first I was adverse to the idea because it hasn’t been mentioned in addiction literature that I’m aware of. But the more I listened, the more it made sense to me. Just as rage can have addictive qualities, so might hatred share many of the same qualities. Both are based on irrational thinking; they both share adrenaline-related proprieties and appear to be based in victor mentality.

The question remains, though, how does this human emotion-driven behavior get treated? What, if anything can those of us in the mental health field do to effectively respond to or treat this infectious and devastating malady? There is no definitive answer to this and may not ever be. But I believe that the question remains valid and worth our ongoing pursuit. I think we have the best shot as a profession, to provide some answers.

In response to the most recently publicized display of targeted hatred, President Obama shared the popular tweet, “People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love…”

I believe that therapists have an unique opportunity and skill set to help engage clients in the experiencial understanding of love in its purest form, respect. We can provide the path necessary to begin shifting the paradigm of hatred to genuine caring, kindness and respect toward others.

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.

Tackling the Bully Epidemic

“A bully is someone who is regularly overbearing. He or she looks to cause humiliation or discomfort to another, particularly if that other is weaker or smaller. This can be physical bullying, emotional bullying or mental discomfort and humiliation.”
 (Bullying Statistics)

Bullying most often is about imbalance of power, has intention to harm and is repetitive. It is usually culturally based. That is, it comes out of a culture, be it in the family, schoolyard, neighborhood or workplace. Therefore it is frequently systemic rather than isolated. Addressing the larger systemic issues of bullying is a much more daunting task, but usually more significant toward affecting solution-oriented change.

It is this larger, more systemic, more societal form of bullying that is particularly alarming. Yes, unfortunately, bullying behavior has always existed. But given the culture of our current leadership, it seems as though there is greater permission, if not direct role-modeling for mean, hate-based behavior.

We see this play out in families all the time. Someone in authority, usually a parent or a grandparent with specific biases like racism, sexism or faith-ism will model or teach those biases toward others directly or indirectly to their children and grandchildren. Those families within certain neighborhoods, ethnics groups, religions will tend to create bully culture in a more widespread fashion, giving that behavior and hate-driven mentality greater credence and room to grow.

Most of the research literature focuses on school age children and rightly so, in that they are the most vulnerable. School bullies can do the most irrefutable harm, because the psychological impact to a younger brain is potentially so much greater. This is easily evidenced by the sharp rise in teenage suicide in recent years.

School systems have done a very impressive job across this country of designing and implementing anti-bullying programs. Their diligence is paying off, but I’m afraid that we need much more on all levels of our greater society.

The fact remains that bullying exists at every age and social strata, which is ultimately harmful to us all. The current impact and our projected future from what appears to be a growing trend in our society seems to be one of increased anxiety and mistrust among us. Therefore, what effective interventions can we as mental health professionals employ now to help curb this epidemic?

Those of us in the mental health field can certainly make a marked difference. We can help our educators of children interrupt and reverse this paradigm of hatred and harm by introducing, modeling and actively supporting a lifestyle of respect for self and others to each individual, couple and family we serve, thereby creating a healthier environment for us all.

 

Respect-Focused Therapy (RFT) is a foundation on which all modalities and techniques used in therapy can be strongly grounded, in order to produce sound, effective outcomes. This approach offers clients the opportunity to gain experiential understanding of being respected, possibly for the first time, from the therapeutic relationship and then be able to heal old wounds by creating more respect for self and others in the therapeutic process.